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  • Kevin B Ebert

Diary of a Hypochondriac

Last week, woke up with a couple of red bumps on my left arm.

Me: OMG, it's skin cancer I'm going to die My Brain: Let's see what happens over the next couple of days before we panic

Next Morning

Me: OMG, there are more bumps, I'm surely doomed My Brain: Odd, but still nothing to worry about, let's get through the weekend and then decide what to do.

Following Monday

Me: OMG, there are red bumps showing up on other parts of my body. Yep, this is the last of it. Need to check my life insurance policy and will My Brain: Hmmm, maybe there is something here. But let's wait one more day to see if it continues to get worse.

Next Day

Me: OMG, it's all over. I can't take it anymore. Let me create a bucket list to achieve before I kick the bucket. My Brain: Ok, time to go see the Doctor

Next Day:

Doctor: It's poison ivy. Me: Are you fucking kidding me? But how? I haven't been in any woods. Only thing I've done is mow my yard. I was about to gnaw my arm off so I could live and you are telling me it's poison ivy? SMH. My Brain: Sorry doctor for wasting your time

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