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  • Kevin B Ebert

Open Letter to Email Marketers and Other Businesses

Dear Unsolicited Email Sender,

From an unsolicited email I just got:

I trust you are safe and healthy...

Do not assume or trust that I'm staying healthy and safe during this time of crisis. It's the most stupid-ass opening line of an email ever.

If I were safe, I'd be driving into work right now listening to a Podcast, but instead, I'm sitting in our workout room staring at a blank wall while my dog licks his nuts in the background.

If I were safe, I wouldn't have had to take a sponge bath with alcohol-based wipes when I touched a shopping cart at the grocery store yesterday.

If I were safe, I would not have had to run for cover every single time someone coughed or sneezed when I went to Tractor Supply to pick up dog and chicken meal for the animals in our lives this past weekend.

If I were safe, I would have gone to Cheekwood, a botanical garden, and a museum in Nashville this past weekend to view the tulips.

If I were safe, I would have taken Charlotte out to dinner last Friday night.

And on the health front, I'm healthy right now. But that's likely to change as my wife has come down with what we hope is a cold. But, in these modern times, I can't even make that assumption without a twinge of doubt in my mind. Does that sound fucking safe to you?

So please, for the love of humanity that is trying to survive right now, stop with the bullshit courtesies. Don't use this crisis as a time to sell your business continuity services or communication services or whatever services. I work for a great company with a very robust and mature business continuity program. Our company started putting things in motion several weeks ago to maintain business continuity. And at the same time, provide assurances to our employees that they will receive the assistance they need, and our priority is their well being. Your emails are falling on deaf ears. We have made people our focus at this time as well as should you, so stop peddling your services and get to saving the lives of the people within your own company.

Thank you.


Kevin B Ebert

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